Naomi Meredith  00:00

You might have heard the title of this episode and thought, how does this all connect to STEM? Friend, keep listening because this is a wonderful episode that every teacher needs to hear. Stepping into a new role like elementary STEM can be completely overwhelming. A lot of you, like me, come from a classroom of your own with 25-plus students, and then you’re in a role where you are teaching all the students in the school with little to no curriculum, all of these fancy tools, and you’re just go go go all day. Well, the guest on my episode today completely understands that. Today I am speaking with Jen Rafferty from the Empowered Educator. The way that she talks about mindset as a teacher, different types of stress, and setting up boundaries is so beautiful and encouraging. You definitely want to listen to the end and also take notes because she has wonderful explanations of all the topics that we are going to be talking about today. Today’s interview is really going to help with your overall well being as a STEM teacher, a teacher in general and really in life. Educator, author and international public speaker Jen Rafferty started as a middle school music teacher for 15 years in central New York. She is known for bringing her energy, humor, and expertise in her presentations, while inspiring educators to stay connected to their why. Jen is a certified emotional intelligence practitioner and is currently pursuing her PhD in educational psychology. Since its inception, the Empowered Educator has reached teachers and school leaders all over the world. Jen has been featured on a variety of platforms and is also the host of the podcast Take Notes with Jen Rafferty, which is rated in the top 3% of podcast globally. Jen’s insatiable curiosity continues to make the Empowered Educator programs relevant and reflective of the most up to date research and mindset leadership in cognitive neuroscience. She is committed to inspiring teachers and school leaders to discover their voice and maintain a healthy longevity throughout their careers. 

Naomi Meredith  02:16

Well, thank you, Jen, so much for being here today. I’m so glad that we connected. I feel like your background and education, I know you’re going to explain this a bit more, but what your background is in education and teaching and what you’re doing now really have a great pairing for our STEM teacher audience. And so if you wouldn’t mind introducing yourself and how your teaching experience led to where you are today. I’m really excited to hear more of your story.

Jen Rafferty  03:15

Yes, great. Thank you so much for having me, I’d love to share it. So I began my career as a music teacher in central New York. And that was really the only thing that I thought I wanted to do my whole entire life, I felt it was really more like a calling than a choice for me to be in the classroom and specifically teach music and a lot of that had to do with my experiences in the classroom. And what I was really taught by my music teachers, and I wanted to share that with other people. And so I loved what I did, I was mostly a middle school choir teacher, seventh grade general music, I taught a little bit of high school modern bands and created a whole modern band program. And we can get into how and why of that if you’d like to in a little bit. And then I wrote a book that was published in December of 2019 about being a music teacher. And you know, a lot of teachers have read it who are not music teachers, it kind of just, you know, exchange the word STEM or art or, you know, science in there. And it’s relevant for you too. And it was awesome, because I was excited to share my work with new teachers. I was planning on doing some book talks. And then of course, in 2020, none of that happened. And we were all you know, kind of forced to pivot in a really big way. And part of that transition for me personally was also I had decided to get a divorce from my husband. And that same weekend the world shutdown. It was the same weekend that I had moved out of my house with my two kids who were five and seven at the time. So it was an incredibly big weekend. For all of us. And there was some extra special sauce that we were kind of dealing with in my house as well. And singing in of itself became really dangerous, right? I mean, remember, we didn’t know anything about COVID and singing killed people. That’s what we were told. And so the whole being of what I, the whole identity, I guess, is a different way to say this, the whole identity I had created for myself around, not just being a teacher, but being a musician, being a wife, the way I was mothering, my children, all of that changed that very same weekend. And so while there was a lot of crying and releasing and processing, it was also an incredible opportunity for for me to really think about, Well, what did I want to do in this world? What kind of impact do I want to make? And how can I do that maybe in a slightly different way. So lots of things happen in the next few months after that. But the highlights were, you know, I decided to take a semester off, or what I thought would be a semester off from school to homeschool my own two children. I started my PhD in educational psychology, I became certified as emotional intelligence practitioner, and really dove into the work of mindset myself, because I was on my own healing journey and figuring out how I wanted to kind of proceed with my life. And I decided that I wanted to do something a little bit different, while still very much being involved in education. So I resigned from my teaching job in 2021. And started my business which is Empowered Educator, which now I work with teachers and school leaders, and focus on the social and emotional well being of all of the adults in schools. And it’s been wonderful to pivot in this way I talk with teachers who are not just in the Encore classes that I used to perform. I do that also, especially those people who know that I’ve worked with encore classes kind of happy work with with them also. But now I really get to highlight and underscore the needs of the adults in these spaces. So we can better show up for our kids and really make the impact that we say that we want to make.

Naomi Meredith  07:10

Oh, totally. I mean, that’s a huge transition. I mean, you had a very, very big transition big monumental, I mean, even leaving teaching alone is huge COVID. And then all the things just happen at once for you. But I mean, even for us, as the audience, listening, coming in from the classroom into a STEM role is a big transition. So just transitions in general are a big deal. Even for adults, we always think about for the students that a transition is hard for them. But then as adults, it’s a lot of work as well. So that’s really awesome that through your experiences, and you obviously love teaching, you still love education. But that’s just brought you to where you are today. And it is important for all the adults in the building, we just give giving, giving give so much and it’s just so hands on with teaching. And so we just have to remember how we need to take a step back as well as adults and take care of ourselves, like you said, to make sure that we make can make a greater impact on our students. So I love that. It all linked together. And for high school and middle school. That’s a lot. There’s some teachers here who actually teach K-8. Can you imagine K-8? All the children? That’s a big transition.

Jen Rafferty  08:26

Yes, yes, it is for sure.

Naomi Meredith  08:28

So with the middle school, just a little side question, out of your middle school experience, what is your favorite grade when it comes to sixth, seventh, and eigth? 

Jen Rafferty  08:37

I just love Middle School, sixth, seventh or eighth to me, that whole age group is my jam. I mean, I, I will tell you, when I first got into the classroom, that was my first job, middle school, general music seventh grade general music was the gig and acquire also but I had more sections of general music. And that class is not something that you were very well prepared for coming out of college. And the thing is, you know, I went through my undergrad, and everyone was like, You’re doing great, Jen, you’re natural. You’re you know, you’re so good at this, you got this and I had all of this beautiful confidence about what I was going to be able to do in my classroom. And when I got there, I ended up I was really mad. I was so mad because I felt so unprepared. And I didn’t understand why. And a lot of it had to do with the fact that I actually didn’t know who my kids were because especially in middle school, these kids are going through profound changes. And I didn’t know anything about their development. So that was actually the catalyst for me getting really interested in cognitive neuroscience and in development of of adolescent brains, because I thought that if I understood where they were developmentally, I could be more responsive as their teacher and create probe ramming that reflected where they were at, instead of me coming at this new job, just like sharing the things that I thought that they needed to know, it was so backwards. And I think those conversations are happening now more and more. But you know, back then it just wasn’t what we were taught or told. So I’ve been really interested in brains and cognitive development my whole career. So when I started my PhD, it was kind of a natural progression. And now my research is a little bit more official. But I just love that age group, it is like the last best chance for these kids to really get on board with something that they’re really excited about. They’re creating their own identities, they are moving through physical changes, emotional changes, social changes, psychological changes, and it’s silly, you know, and I just, I just loved everything about it. And if you can be a catalyst in your own schools for change, to make sure that we can be responsive to these kids, you know, the better everyone experiences going to be.

Naomi Meredith  11:05

Oh man, if you can teach middle school, and you obviously loved it, you can teach anything. Middle school is not my thing. Oh, my gosh, I taught in the classroom for six years before getting into STEM. So I taught second grade for two years, third grade for four. And fifth grade to me was a big jump, I’m oh my gosh, these this is, this is pretty hard. And fifth graders in the spring, I’m all Whoa, they’re a whole other animal. But I felt the same way like you. I mean, I didn’t go originally go to college to be a STEM teacher. And most of us have it. So like, oh, this is what we’re going to do. And then coming into it, it’s super overwhelming. It’s not what you think. And then on top of that, you have the the lesson plans, getting to know your students, like you said, I mean, you had a ton of students, and then getting to know cognitively and developmentally, a whole range of students. So Middle School is its own beast, and like you said it for me their identities, but then even thinking about a little kindergartener, it’s their first experience in school. And so how can you meet their needs? Like we don’t pee our pants, but we do we do in Kindergarten, and then you have fifth graders who are growing and changing as well. So it’s a huge jump, and it’s super overwhelming. So when you’re stepping into a new role like this, what are some ways that you think that we could prevent overwhelm? Especially, it’s just so much during the day. It’s just a lot. Do you have any strategies for that?

Jen Rafferty  12:37

Yeah, it is a lot. There’s a lot and I think there’s a couple of things here, I think the the first piece is, you know, the expectations that you are putting on yourself is something that we just need to take a look at. Because oftentimes, when we step into a new role, we want to be able to put our best foot forward, we want to be able to show that, you know, we can do this, we’re capable, we are worthy of filling this role, we’re intelligent enough. And what happens is, when you get caught up in all of that, we are actually living in constant judgments of perceived expectations from other people. And it never feels good. It just doesn’t. Because when we come at our work in that lens, or through that lens, we are setting ourselves up for a consistent feeling of just not being enough. And so one of the biggest pieces in moving into a new role. And really just kind of putting on a new label of you know, your identity for a little while, is giving yourself grace. And coming from a place of curiosity, instead of judgment. Because as soon as you start hearing yourself, say things like, oh, like I shouldn’t be doing this, or I’m supposed to be this or I shouldn’t really be doing this. That is that is a judgmental place where you’re not going to be able to really grow into your full potential and have the impact that you said that you wanted to make in the community that you’re serving in this really cool STEM role that you have. So really getting honest with yourself of what do I want? How do I want to feel? How do I want my kids to feel when they come into my classroom and let that lead? It’s so easy to get caught up in the weeds of all of the how and like the stuff. And that’s what really bogs us down and really moves us further further away from our initial dreams and intentions as to why we even wanted to be in this role in the first place.

Naomi Meredith  14:44

Oh my gosh, I love that view. You guys need to go back and rewind that. I wrote that down because that is so powerful. Yes. And it’s really it’s the growth mindset of you as a teacher and we’ve talked about that on this podcast, but if you want to model this too for your students. You need to also have that grace and that growth mindset in yourself. Because you’re not going to know everything coming into it. It’s really impossible. It’s a journey, it’s a whole thing you and like you said, you have to give yourself grace. Because there’s a lot to learn: robotics, 3D printing, all the things, all the students, all the procedures. I did not know everything coming into this role at all. And I still don’t know everything. It’s definitely a journey. I love how you phrase that and having that curiosity, I think that’s super, super powerful. So on top of that, so thinking about just mindset in general, how does that why is that super important as a teacher? So we know we have to have that curiosity, but just how you said how it feeds into our classrooms. So how does that just all connect together? When it comes to that mindset?

Jen Rafferty  15:52

Well, your mindset is everything, because it’s literally the lenses in which you see the worlds, if you’re coming in feeling frustrated, and overwhelmed and totally stressed out, that is going to be not just your experience for the day, but your kids experience in being in your classroom and in your space and in your energy. Because the truth is, you know, the kids come in, and they feel your energy before you even open up your mouth. And so that all comes from your mindset as to you know, how do I want to? How do I want to showcase myself today. And here’s the thing where I think people get tripped up with mindset work. There’s two, two things here that I want to just address. The first thing is this toxic positivity of like, I’m feeling like crap, but I’m just gonna, like, sprinkle some rainbows and butterflies on it, and it’s gonna be fine, because it was think positive, and it’s all gonna be okay, that’s ridiculous. That doesn’t work. And it’s actually building up the stress and overwhelm, it’s getting, it’s getting louder, because we’re just trying to judge it down, and it doesn’t have any place to go. So doing that is not actually helpful that the fake it till you make it thing is only going to get you so far. And if you’re being really honest with yourself, your kids see right through that. So that’s the first thing. And then the second thing is the way to to navigate that is actually tapping into your body. Because a lot of times the mindset work falls short, because we’re not talking about your body. And that’s where the feelings are, you know, your mind that your mind’s only job, or your most important job is to keep you alive. That’s it right? It doesn’t care. If you’re happy, your mind doesn’t care if you’re thriving. Or if you’re learning or if you’re making strong connections with your kids. All it cares about is that you are alive. And if you’re listening to this podcast right now, my job like write anything. But what happens is, is that when we start to get into these lower frequency emotions of, you know, stress and frustration and overwhelm, or sometimes anger and sadness, and we just kind of stay there for a long time, your feelings happen in your body. And your thoughts happen in your mind, which means that you actually need to process some of these feelings, physically, and do things with your body. So this could be like going for a walk or going for a run, it could be shaking it out, it could be doing some deep breathing to get you back into a place of nervous system regulation. Because again, if your mind and your nervous system kind of going to use them interchangeably, thinks that you are unsafe and going to die, you actually can’t perform the way you want to. So we need to create that safety for your nervous system be like, hey, brain, I know you’re looking out for me, and I really appreciate this. But all I’m doing right now is teaching a new lesson. So I see you, I love you. But I got this and regulate physically in your body. And then that’s how you can continue to move forward. So why is mindset important? You are the coat regulator in your classroom, and you are the one that your kids are going to be looking to and actually feeling to know that it’s safe for them to learn.

Naomi Meredith  19:09

Yeah, I totally agree with that. It’s super high stress. We actually had a staff meeting at my school and it was kind of similar to what you’re talking about, but just taking care of yourself very pared down like 20-30 minutes thing. But just really for myself really recognizing and this STEM role, it is super high stress and its own way because kids are feeding through five minute transitions if that and you’re just always on that top stress level all day and I can physically feel it in my body. And it’s like running a birthday party six times I talked about that on here. It’s like being the cool and you just have to like, get it all hyped up. You have a new group of kids so definitely taking that step back like lunch, decompress all of that going on walks I walk my little dog Fred raglan. Listen to other podcasts, sometimes my own before the episode airs, but you’re so right, because it’s just like high energy all the time. And then if you just don’t have a way to release it, it’s gonna pick back up again, and you’re gonna burn out for sure. And I know you talk about burnout, with all of the things you talk about. So we don’t want to burn out.

Jen Rafferty  20:21

No, and the thing is, you want to maintain a healthy longevity in this career. And you don’t want to get to the point. And we all know teachers like this, who are counting the days till Friday and counting the years until retirement, because we just, you know, we’re so burnout. And that’s not a narrative that’s sustainable. And that’s not how we maintain a high standard of education for our kids, either. They deserve better, and you deserve better. But I do want that say something too, because of what you said about being on and like the cool and the birthday party, because there’s something here that’s really important. Not all stress is bad stress. Yeah, right. That’s true. Or when you are on right when you are when you are, like turned on right, even right now. Like, I’m not chillin, right now I’m having this beautiful conversation with you to, you know, really get some juicy nuggets from the two of us about really important things in education, like that requires a certain amount of cortisol, which is a stress hormone, to run through my body. So I can actually show up and do the thing. And being that role, which you were just talking about. And showing up does require a certain amount of adrenaline, it requires a certain amount of stress. However, it’s the context, and the consistency, and the levels, and being really aware of how it feels in your body. Because good stress that gets you up and does things makes you feel good, right? I’m a singer, every time I get on stage and perform, that’s good stress, I show up. But I definitely need to release afterwards, either, you know, I’m not, I’m not actually a runner. But I will, I will dance it out, right, I will, I will shake, I will do some breathing if I need to, you know, sometimes just punch a punching bag sometimes. So just get out some energy, you know, that also has to happen. Stress doesn’t always have to be bad or negative. The difference is really being cognizant of what it feels like in your body. Because if it’s feeling constricted, then that’s the stuff that we really want to work through in a different way or if it’s feeling expansive, and that’s the good stuff. And we still need to release it. But there’s just a little bit of a different experience with that kind of stress.

Naomi Meredith  22:40

I love that explanation. I think that’s really good to point that out for people and what they’re feeling. So when you’re in your classroom, what kind of stress are you feeling? And really recognizing that and take a step back if and then reassess. So you had great strategies of releasing it. Are there other just in this type of role and teaching in general? Just do you have any productivity tips? I can’t say that word didn’t have enough coffee today. Productivity, tips, boundaries, or even just strategies, just keeping that mindset regulating the stress, any other things that you would recommend?

Jen Rafferty  23:17

Sure, I think we can talk about boundaries a little bit, I think, especially as an Encore teacher, it can be really easy to be very agreeable to everybody all the time, right? It’s like, oh, can I just like borrow the 3d printer for this one little thing that I’m doing? And you’re like, Yeah, okay, sure. I don’t want to say no, because I want to, like maintain a good relationship with this teacher, right? Or like, oh, you know, can I just get those markers that, you know, mine ran out? Can I have them? And so the thing is, when that happens, and it doesn’t feel like a full body, yes, that’s actually another source of stress. And so a lot of the pushback that people get about boundaries is like, we don’t want to make anyone feel bad. We don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. We don’t want to make waves. And a lot of these also come from teachers, if you identify as a woman like that, that is another layer to all of this too. You don’t wanna rock the boat, we want to be agreeable and nice and you know, make sure everyone’s okay, but the thing is when you are consistently putting other people’s comfort before your own, that is actually something that’s going to continue to perpetuate the feelings of depletion until one day you’re going to be like that’s it I’ve had enough and then we’re done you know and then game over. So you know if you’re really focusing on again, who you want to be the kind of feelings you want to feel the kind of feelings you want to foster for your kids. That gets to be the place where the boundaries come in. Right? Because boundaries are love. Yeah, boundaries are love for you itself. Love boundaries are also love and an honoring of a relationship. Because when you give Someone access to the 3d printer even though you don’t really want to, and you give it to them with resentment, that doesn’t feel good either. And that is actually betraying not just yourself, but also that relationship. And so are people going to push back when you put boundaries in place? Absolutely. Because the people who will do that benefited from you not having them in the first place. But you know, it takes practice. And even something as simple as you know, I hear you that you need this thing for me, and I really wish I could help. However, I’m just not available to do that, at this time. And if things change, I will let you know. Or thank you for asking me to be a part of that committee. I appreciate that. You think I’m such a valuable member of our school community. But I’m no longer doing any after school activities without monetary compensation. Thank you. Done, yes, there isn’t anything else. And because that’s coming from a place of love. Because if you want to continue to feel the way you want to feel, then you have to be able to navigate the world in which you live to live within those guideposts which you set up for yourself and, and boundaries, I don’t think of as walls I think of as doors, you know, if you can abide by the boundary, like come on in, like, Let’s hang like it’s a party. But if you can’t, then there’s the door. And like, that’s cool. But we don’t always have to make everyone feel good all the time at the expense of ourselves.

Naomi Meredith  26:32

I love that so, so much. And for me, setting boundaries has been like a lifelong journey. And it still is, but I even had a past episode about this. And I think sometimes as teachers, we’re scared to set boundaries and this role, especially in teaching all we’re teaching all the students in the school, we’re interacting with all the teachers, even my role is also like technology management. So on top of that, and then yes, the after school clubs and everything committees. So I think that is so important. Because if you’re saying yes to all the things, you’re saying no to other things, I can’t do it all like I wish I could and we all can’t do it all. And I love that so much. You just said boundaries are love. And that’s just a great, great explanation for that. It’s okay to have boundaries. Absolutely. It’s not a bad word. It’s a good word. It’s a hard word. It’s hard to say have boundaries. But I will pride myself and my team actually says I’m really good at boundaries. And they watch me so yeah, it’s good. It’s good. Wouldn’t that be great? If

Jen Rafferty  27:39

the conversation changed? Then I’m like, Oh, wow. You know, Naomi makes really amazing boundaries. You know, let’s talk about that here in this safe space with our team, right? Like, how do you make boundaries? How do you you know, what kind of boundaries are you feeling? Because part of the reason why we perceive it as being hard, it’s not hard, we perceive it as being hard. Yeah, is because we don’t talk about it. So we don’t have the skill set to actually articulate our needs, let alone and this is like a whole nother episode of podcast. But let alone even come to terms with being able to want something and desire something and use our voice to express the things that we need. Because we’re givers, right? And givers are selfless and shouldn’t need anything. So you know, that is a whole nother layer to all of this too. But one of the things that perpetuates it is the silence around it. And by continuing to tell the story of like boundaries are hard. They’re not, we perceive them as being hard. Yeah. Which is a whole nother way of looking at them. Because now we provide an opportunity for growth.

Naomi Meredith  28:47

But that’s why I think this whole conversation is so important because like it isn’t talked about, and I think some people probably even saw the title of this wrong. Hmm, that doesn’t seem like it’s STEM related. But it is it’s all the cohesive thing just as a teacher, you have yourself to take care of the of the lesson, it all goes together. And so this does fit in it does have a place for what we have in this role. 100%. And if you don’t think you have boundaries, we’ll maybe set some up. So it’s a good, it’s good. It’s like you have permission to set this up listening to that. Listen to Jen, listen to her podcast, she even gives even more. I know you go more into detail about all of this on your podcast as well. But I know that we could definitely talk all night we’ll have to do another episode.

Jen Rafferty  29:35

There’s so much to talk about. And you know, you’re right. Like this isn’t just about any specific role as a teacher but you know, the thing is for for those of you who are stepping into this role as a STEM teacher as a STEM educator, in order for you to do that, well, you have to do this. Well. You can’t show up the way that you want to and I know I’ve alluded to this this whole time, but what you’re doing in your school communities is huge. You’re providing them with a gift of a beautiful opportunity for them to see a world that doesn’t yet exist. That is tremendous. And in order to really, again, make that impact, you have to take a look in the mirror and take care of yourself first.

Naomi Meredith  30:24

Yep. You gave me chills. You gave me chills, like, yes, this lot. This is why we’re here. I love that I my hairs, I shaved my arms, but the hair that I have is standing up right now. Like, appreciate your time so much, Jen. And if you wouldn’t mind sharing where teachers can find you also the name of your book, I don’t think I caught the name of your book, but I’m sure they might want to go by that as well, but where they can find you and all the things?

Jen Rafferty  30:51

Sure, well, the easiest way is to go to my website at empowerededucator.com. If you head over to the Resources page, there are tons of free resources there for you hop on my mailing list, because you’ll be able to find all of the new content that’s available. I show up a lot in my Facebook group. And that’s empowered educator faculty room. And the other place like you mentioned is my podcast, which is called Take notes with Jen Rafferty, which is really about how to human as a teacher, right, and, and then as you asked, the title of the book is a place in the staff finding your way as a music teacher, and you can find that on Amazon.

Naomi Meredith  31:29

Awesome, but I think you guys could all read it based on how the way you talk about things. I bet we would definitely benefit from that as well. 

Jen Rafferty  31:36

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you really just replaced the word music with STEM and you’re good to go.

Naomi Meredith  31:42

Well, thank you so much. Again, I appreciate your time. And I know that a lot of our listeners are gonna go out and find you. Thank you so much again.

Jen Rafferty  31:51

Thank you so much for having me was a real pleasure talking with you today.